Family Portrait
by dancingdriver
Summary: What is hiding behind that happy family portrait?


this one is sad. and angsty and depressing and it hurts. oh it hurts...

there were a few LoVe posts around tumblr with p!ink songs and i love p!nk so i was watching some youtube videos and family portrait came up. this song means so much to me. i used to listen to it over and over. and i thought "what if..." and this showed up.

thank you to my beta, Lunky, sorry i gave you such a sad story to beta =/

-/-

"Daddy, please don't leave." Jessie was waiting by the door, sitting down blocking his way. She had the teddy bear he had earned her the last time they went to the boardwalk playing some kind of tossing game. Tears were pouring down from her eyes tracing a stream down her perfect cheeks. He wanted to stay, more than anything but he just couldn't anymore.

He knelt down and lifted her chin with his hand and smiled at her. A smile he hoped would replicate all his love for her.

"Hey pumpkin. Don't cry. Daddy's just going away for business, ok? I'll be right back before you know it."

He gestured a hug but she pushed him away. "I know you're lying. I heard you and Mommy. You're leaving us. You're not going to be here anymore."

_You're too damn smart for a 7 year old, kiddo. _He didn't like lying to her. And he sure didn't want to be leaving but Veronica had asked him to. Asked… more like demanded.

"Look, ok, I'm leaving but just for a while and I still get to see you every day, ok? You know me and Mommy have been fighting a little and…"

"More like a lot…" Jessie sighed looking away.

"Yeah, a lot. But we'll get through this, ok? I promise, Jess."

"It's all because of him. Why doesn't he leave instead of you? I hate him, Daddy. He ruined everything!"

"Please don't say that about your brother. Peter has no fault in this. He was sick, that was all. And me and Mommy haven't agreed on a lot of things lately but that's just how adult world works, ok? Can I have a hug? I love you."

Jessie dropped her teddy bear and hugged her dad. "I love you too." Looking through the glass window she watched him get in his car, wave goodbye and drive away. She sat there for an hour hugging her bear and crying until Veronica came to get her for dinner after calling her name for 20 minutes.

Logan arrived at the hotel room he had booked that morning from the office. He hated hotels. Since the end of freshman year at Hearst he avoided them like the plague. They brought him bad memories. And yet, here he was, probably living in one for a while, again. No better memories were about to be made here either.

He didn't know if he could keep the promise that he made to his little girl. All he wanted was to go back home and hug his family but bonehead Veronica would not listen to anyone. Even Keith was on his side this time and that was saying a lot.

Everything went south when Peter got sick around his first birthday. He was losing weight fast and always looked tired and ghostly. Their worst nightmare became true and soon they had the diagnosis: leukemia. It took him about a year and a half to be better, but thankfully he recovered. Things seemed to be getting back to normal and then lightning struck twice. Veronica was pregnant. And as soon as they found out, she lost the baby. She blamed it on the stress of Peter's illness; everyone else blamed it on her work schedule and consequent stress.

She wouldn't listen to anybody about taking it slow. It seemed like every time someone tried to talk to her she would take more and more cases on. Logan barely saw her at home anymore and family dinners were becoming such a rare thing that he thought he'd win the lottery before they would all eat together again, and he didn't even play the lottery…

Logan tried to reason with her, but one doesn't reason with Veronica. He tried everything from trying to understand; to talking about counseling; to suggesting they had enough money for her to stay at home; to talking to Keith and trying to recruit his help; to demanding she stayed home at least for two weeks, which only earned him a paid two-week vacation on the couch. He honestly didn't know what else to do.

He was worried about his kids. She wasn't home for about 18 hours a day and he really didn't like the arrangement they had before. He did everything from get them to and from school; feed them; bathe them and everything else. He didn't dare to ask if he was still going to be doing that when she was screaming at him to "_Leave this house right now, Logan._" He'd only suggested a family vacation to clear some air.

Veronica brought Peter to her bed. She couldn't bear to sleep alone, not after sleeping with Logan every night for the past 10 years. Even when they were fighting they'd sleep touching some part of each other. Most times they'd make up in bed, whispering apologies with their eyes. She could hear Jessie crying and she felt worse than ever. She felt the worse mother in the world. She had failed Pete, letting him get sick, and then she failed the baby. She still cried every night while she was in the bathroom alone getting ready for bed.

They just didn't get it. Not even Logan and he had promised her _always_. _What a load of crap, s_he thought. How could she be a mother after all that? Jessie hated her for kicking Logan out. Peter still looked so frail sometimes she didn't know what to do around him, she wouldn't yell at him or discipline him in anyway. Logan had to take in that role for both of them. And the baby, it was going to be a girl, she knew it. And they were naming her Lilly. After Jessie was born and Logan changed his mind about her name at the last minute, they agreed that if they had another girl, they'd name her Lilly. And now she had lost her, _again._ Veronica fell asleep hugging Peter and silently sobbing.

Her worst fear that since finding out she was pregnant the first time had come true. She had become her mother. Worse than her mother, actually. She had lost a baby and gotten her other baby sick. Her daughter hated her at the tender age of 7, so nearly 10 years before she hated her own mother.

She would not talk to Logan, or barely to anyone else. Keith was her mean of communication with the outside world. He was the one that set up Logan's visits with the kids. Logan was also taking them to and from school every day while Veronica was away at work. Keith would be there in the mornings and the babysitter would welcome them in the afternoon. Apart from barely being at home, Jessie was giving her the silent treatment and Peter would hardly put more than four words together.

Logan waited for two months and after that he moved into a house in a neighborhood close by. He knew what the next step should be but he still tried to avoid it. Keith actually pushed him to do it thinking it might get Veronica out of her stupor.

The papers came on a Wednesday. Veronica arrived home after 1 a.m. very tired and longing for her bed but she saw the manila folder right way siting on her kitchen counter. She couldn't believe what she was reading. Logan wanted a divorce and full custody of the kids. Not her kids. Not ever. She dropped to the floor and cried until the sun came up.

Her dad was suspiciously quiet about everything, telling her she better talk to Logan or to the lawyers about everything.

Contrary to what both Logan and Veronica predicted, the divorce settlement and the custody arrangements went very civilly. They agreed on joint custody but Logan would have them most of the week since he was the one taking them to school anyway. She didn't fight it because she knew it would be better for the kids to have one parent they loved by their side. By this time, she wasn't sure they loved her at all and she didn't want to keep them just out of spite for Logan.

Jessie cried when Logan went to move some of their stuff and pick them up to go with him to the new house. She hugged her mom for longer than she had in a very long time and said she'd be back every day. Peter was completely oblivious to what was going on and was playing with a plastic car around their feet.

Veronica barely slept for the first week without the kids. She was all alone in the house now. A huge two-story house, way closer to 09er standards than she'd liked but the bare minimum Logan would agree on for a house. She wandered through the house, going from room to room trying to resuscitate some good memories of her family there.

Soon, they all got into a new routine. Logan had the kids mostly on weekdays and at least one weekend per month. She'd have them for the weekends and sometimes during the week as well, but not very often. She started to come home earlier from work, taking fewer new cases and actually being there when Logan came to bring the kids or pick them up. They wouldn't talk that much, not beyond the normal pleasantries but it was something.

Six months had passed since the kids moved into Logan's. And things were starting to change. Veronica would always be present for all the pick-ups and drop-offs. They'd talk more than "hello", "goodbye" even though it was mostly about the kids. And Veronica was having them over more and more, they practically shared the month 50/50 by now.

Veronica was sitting on her porch waiting for her babies. They always walked from one place to the other and she could hear them laughing from a mile away. After they arrived and hugs and kisses were exchanged, Jessie ran inside to watch some cartoon and Peter was distracted with some bug in the yard.

"I started therapy this week," she said, lowering her head without taking her eyes off Peter.

"Good. That's good Veronica I hope it works for you," Logan said. _I hope it works for us._

"Thanks. Me too." _I want it to work for us._


End file.
